Uprising - aka "Why kids shouldn't have facebook"

"Rise up and take the power back” says the song “Uprising” by Muse and just recently that is exactly what I’ve felt I needed to do.

As a father (three kids that I know about and am admitting to) and a "common law step father" of a further three I think I’m more qualified than most to comment on issues with children as they grow up.  Pre-kids, we are all pretty judgemental, aren't we?  My offspring certainly weren't going to behave like the spoilt brats raised by <insert bad parents names here>.

Oh, if it were so easy.  But, when you have to work so hard to provide the phenomenal amount of cash needed to raise a family, you really don’t have the energy for all those battles. One child is a handful and more than one is a houseful.  The third and upwards make no difference; you can only get exhausted to a certain level.  We therefore tend to take the easy way out and sit the children in front of the TV just to get some peace.  It's such hard work to be a strong parent and so easy to give in so you can preserve your sanity.

But do we actually know what our kids are watching?  With so many channels these days, 99% of programmes are absolute garbage.

With Sky (and maybe other digital TV providers), there are parental controls to stop your children viewing anything “unsuitable”.  Well, unfortunately this just means programmes with adult content and it doesn’t cover Jeremy Kyle, Jerry Springer, Embarrassing Bodies or any other daytime TV trash that deals with themes that children really shouldn’t be exposed to.  And you have to remember another pin code or password (as if we didn't have enough numbers to remember).

Then there's the internet… the most uncensored, 24/7 available source of filth and depravity ever known to man. Yet we buy our children laptops, ipads, smartphones and other devices that enable them to be online at any given time.  Yes, yes, I know that there are parental controls for that as well (with more passwords), but how many parents are computer savvy enough to a) activate them and b) make them hacker proof?  Because every teenage child will suddenly discover a friend who is as good as hacker as that girl from the film “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” (go see it – brilliant) and there are few boundaries that can be placed by Mr and Mrs Average-Parent that will keep children absolutely safe online.

This is beginning to sound like a rant, which I didn't intend it to.  However, just recently, we have suffered a series of events that has prompted this.  I live with my partner and her three girls, two of whom are teenagers and one is 11.   They all are addicted to faceache, sorry, facebook and have been spending so much time on it that school work was suffering.  I therefore set up a new user on the PC called “Kids” and passworded it.  Through Windows Family Safety, I have it to be logged off every evening at 10pm.  Plenty late enough I think. I have also created an unrestricted user called "Homework" that they could log into anytime for school work and it has all social networks blocked. I'm only reasonably computer literate and it was easy to do.

There were protestations initially, but then we discovered they were accessing the internet via their phones.  So we called the supplier and had the internet mobile package turned off (yes, you can) and now they can’t access facebook via their phones AT ALL.  Unless they knew the Wi-Fi password for the router… so I had to change that too. 

I'll now tell you the good reasons for this clampdown.  A few months back, one of our girls (We'll call her Alison) got into a playground spat with a girl at her school over nothing very much. In the olden days (when I was a kid) playground arguments lasted until going home time and then generally it was all over.  But now, via facebook, these disagreements continue into the evening and many, many more people can get involved, with "inboxing" all over the place, winding the whole situation up.  The upshot is that Alison came face to face with her tormentor in town (or “tahn” as it’s more commonly known) and then got beaten up.  It was bad enough to call the police and get crime photos taken.  The assailant will be arrested, probably expelled and Alison is now terrified of repercussions.  People are so brave behind a keyboard...

Added to this, another one of the girls (Betty) has that other device that is becoming a downright nuisance as well…A BLACKBERRY!  With their BBM facility (Blackberry messenger for those who don’t know), here is another medium for dramas to not only fester but develop.  She was becoming almost reclusive, totally didn’t want to be anywhere near anyone else in the family at all (‘cos it’s borin’, innit?) and spent every waking hour either winding people up on facebook, slouched across a sofa BBM-ing people or being stroppy to her sisters.  Occasionally she’d come out with some gems, like;

Betty – I’ve bin invi’ed to a par-eee (That’s “I’ve been invited to a party”, for those unfamiliar with The Only Way Is Essex.)

Me – Whose?

Betty – A friend.

Me – Which friend?

Betty – Tallulah. You don’ know ‘er, she’s like, a friend of Jasmine's friend Trixie. I like met her like las’ week in tahn.

Me – When and where is the party?

Betty – Dunno…  It’s on facebook… she’s got like 865 friends and they’re like all going.

Me – Well I don’t think you’ll be.

Betty – Aw, Sha’ up!  Thass not fair. Ohmygod.  I’ll be the only one not going.

Me – I don’t think you will actually.   A house party that size sounds like trouble and anyway you’re not old enough.

Betty – Ohmygod, AS IF!  You just wanna stop everyfing I do. O.M.G.

And so on and so on.

Anyway, we have now possibly solved the problem.  The Blackberry has been confiscated and she has been provided with a more regular “phone” – you know, one that just makes calls and sends texts.  She was distraught at first and kept saying “Ohmygod how will I get to school?” (Yes, seriously.  Like the phone has doors, wheels and drops her off.). But, after a few days, she – by even her own admission – became a nicer person, less angry, less stroppy and has started to integrate into the family more.  Also, we have temporarily banned the internet other than on the “Homework” user.   All the girls are being nicer to each other and we have just had a drama free weekend.

So, if all this rings a familiar tune, I do recommend that you take steps to get the power back.  Children need boundaries and also need to know who's in charge.  We must keep them safe.

What I must do now is keep these extra passwords safe too and in a place they won’t see them.  The laundry basket seems as good a place as any; nothing ever finds its way in there.