Male Order

I am often asked how I met my partner Dawn.  Many of my blogposts feature dating disasters in the time leading up to when I met her, but here I can recount the actual story surrounding the events that dictated how we got together.

Picture the scene; it is late November 2008 and I have been separated and single now for approaching 15 months, having had what seemed like more dates than a calendar. However, despite my eager search for long term female companionship, I had only managed a series of one-off liaisons, mainly being nights out in a restaurant, with about a quarter of those extending themselves briefly into alliances before I decided it wasn't worth pursuing.

So, with Christmas and New Year around the corner, I essentially gave up.. My dating site subscription(s) had or were just about to expire and I vowed to start afresh in early 2009.  But before I did so, I turned to Plenty of Fish, a dating site that boasts to be the largest free dating site in cyberspace. The trouble with free sites is that many of the people on there are just downright weird, although having said that, any single person I knew who had managed to fix themselves up with a partner had done so via POF, as it affectionately known, so it must have something going for it.

With a feeling of "What the Hell!", I departed from my usual format of a selection of pictures and slightly humorous site profile to one with no picture and a downright risque and very humorous profile (please see "The Day I Went to France and it was Closed" for what someone actually thought of my profile piccys). "Nothing ventured" I thought, it didn't cost anything and there was always the chance that there may be a fun date or two before my search began in earnest again in January.

I wasn't really expecting much contact because as a general rule, women don't respond or contact men without pictures (and not many had contacted me when I had displayed pictures, so what chance did that give me!). But I was amazed.  I had more interest from that than any other site or profile in the previous year. The types of women I had been previously trying to contact and who had ignored me completely were now almost forming a queue!  I ruled most out, either through their age (I wasn't interested in someone I could be either a father or son to), their location (I wanted someone within an hour and preferably in the same country) or who were smokers. And then I saw a profile than sparked my interest.

Elsewhere, and around a mile away from me, a yoga teacher had been dilly and dallying about her own situation.  She had repeatedly tried and failed to make her own marriage work but a recent episode had finally convinced her that the situation was irretrievable and that was that; she would have to move on. Being of a holistic nature, she embarked on a little bit of Cosmic Ordering. For those who don't know what this means, essentially it is creating a wish list and asking for it to be delivered. So a Male Order, if you like. She asked the universe to provide someone with the following attributes -

a) Tall
b) Good sense of humour
c) Good work ethic and who worked locally
d) Someone who was willing to hold her hand in public
e) A good conversationalist
f) Kind
g) Who had and liked children
h) Who respected her work and treated her as an equal, and, if at all possible,
i) Who had a physique to die for.

Aided by a friend, she nervously created her own profile in POF and waited.

And hers was the profile I had seen.

I didn't know about the Cosmic Ordering thing which is just as well because at that time I would have probably shrugged it off as a load of absolute nonsense.  But I tick all of those boxes (ok, except the last one as I have more of a physique to die from but it's close, right?) and the timing was absolutely uncanny.

2 The Mews

After a few emails and a phone call, we arranged our first date for the evening of the 5th December 2008 and I collected Dawn in a taxi before heading off to a local restaurant, 2 The Mews, for a romantic candlelit dinner for two. The taxi driver was ancient and her children who were then 11, 10 and 9, excitedly peered through the window to get a glimpse of their Mum's companion for the evening but instead got sight of a car driver who appeared to be in his eighties; not quite what they imagined.

But the evening was fun and after I had overcome the fact that I was unable to read the menu due to a) forgetting my glasses and b) the candlelight barely offering enough to see Dawn, let alone small print, I waved vaguely in the direction of the writing on the menu ordering "That one there" (it's a good job I eat anything!) and we set about the usual first date ritual of finding out a little about each other.

As it transpired, we talked for ages and I knew after about 15 minutes that she was completely trustworthy and would not hurt me.  This was a huge plus in my book and enabled me to lower the barriers that had previously been up as a self-protection mechanism and I let Dawn into my mind, my heart and my life.

The rest, as they say, is history.  I am publishing this blogpost on the 5th December 2013 and we will have been together five years.  Believe it or not, we have still yet to have an argument.  We both respect each other's opinions, feelings and space whilst encouraging and supporting each other through our daily lives, whether it be in the home or over work issues. Life is good and has probably never been better.

Happy 5th Anniversary to us!