Many years ago when I was at school, my old English teacher
Keith Warren (who may well read this and remember) told us about a local car
repair centre that had a big sign on the window that read “EXHAUST'S”. He used
to wind them up by going in and saying “Whose?” They used to look puzzled, he
used to walk out and they were none the wiser. Well, I assume that was the case
anyway, because the sign remained unchanged for years.
If you've reached this point and are wondering what the hell
that was all about, then I fear the crux of this blog has already been
lost and will probably irritate you as much as the flagrant abuse of our
beautiful language has, in the past, irritated me. And others. (Yes, yes, I know that’s
alliteration but it’s my blog and this is the point I’m making. Kind of. Please
read on.)
Spelling is one thing. I have seen billboards advertising our
local paper and they contain horrendous (and annoying) spelling errors, such as this -
Our main local shopping area has a very nice café with a sign that, until recently, had said “COFEEE SHOP”. There is a brilliant florist that has had her window
professionally sign-written so that she can provide floral bouquets for, along with other things, “Extraodinary events”. The local golf club had a sign up for a
few weeks that said, in foot high letters, “NEW MEBMERS WELCOME” and a sign was
on the door of a closed shop for ages saying that it was unable to open due to
a “brevement”.
But when it comes to the use of grammar and the correct use of a word... well I'm fed up with constantly seeing what people "would of" done instead of "would have", how they will borrow you something rather than lend it to you, how they "loose" something instead of "lose" it and then ask for "advise" and not "advice".
And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner. A current online advert for M&S displays a range of "Umbrella's" (we're back to the "exhaust's" thing again). The link is here - but by the time you read it, a correction may have occurred so you'll just have to take my word for it.
Now I have friends who are far more "grammar activist" than me and for them, this has nearly caused a seizure. Marks and Spencer! A top 100 listed FTSE company for heaven’s sake! Now they really should know better; surely they must employ people specifically for the task of actually checking stuff like this? How slipshod is that? Does it show a sign of not caring, or is it just that there are so many people these days who don’t actually realise what’s wrong? After all, for the last 15-odd years, “text-speak” has infiltrated into most written forms of communication and the phrase “C u tomoz” is almost acceptable. How long before our language evolves so much, that newspaper headlines use such abbreviations as the norm? Imagine - Kate Middleton gets another bun in the oven which turns out to be slightly overcooked... The Sun comes out with a headline like "Royal Babs L8. Due Tomoz."
Now I have friends who are far more "grammar activist" than me and for them, this has nearly caused a seizure. Marks and Spencer! A top 100 listed FTSE company for heaven’s sake! Now they really should know better; surely they must employ people specifically for the task of actually checking stuff like this? How slipshod is that? Does it show a sign of not caring, or is it just that there are so many people these days who don’t actually realise what’s wrong? After all, for the last 15-odd years, “text-speak” has infiltrated into most written forms of communication and the phrase “C u tomoz” is almost acceptable. How long before our language evolves so much, that newspaper headlines use such abbreviations as the norm? Imagine - Kate Middleton gets another bun in the oven which turns out to be slightly overcooked... The Sun comes out with a headline like "Royal Babs L8. Due Tomoz."
So, I ask the question - Does it actually matter? Really?
Enthralled by the recent-ish TV series "Sherlock", starring the brilliant and interestingly named Benedict Cumberbatch as the great detective, I started reading Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s
original stories, written 125 years ago. The language is quite different to that which is in common use now (it actually had to be re-written and dumbed-down for the American market. Fact.).
In the first book, "A Study in Scarlet", Holmes deduces that someone was a retired sergeant of the Marines from just his appearance. ""Wonderful!" I ejaculated." was Watson's response. "Steady on", I thought, "that must have been one hell of an exciting deduction! I didn't know it was THAT kind of book!" But of course, it was clearly just the correct use of a word that - as with the word "gay" - in modern times gives itself to a different and very specific meaning.
If we go back to Shakespeare then the language is even more unfamiliar (check out the billboard advert below).
In the first book, "A Study in Scarlet", Holmes deduces that someone was a retired sergeant of the Marines from just his appearance. ""Wonderful!" I ejaculated." was Watson's response. "Steady on", I thought, "that must have been one hell of an exciting deduction! I didn't know it was THAT kind of book!" But of course, it was clearly just the correct use of a word that - as with the word "gay" - in modern times gives itself to a different and very specific meaning.
If we go back to Shakespeare then the language is even more unfamiliar (check out the billboard advert below).
Rewind even further to the 14th century and Geoffrey Chaucer, known as the Father of English Literature, wrote "The Canterbury Tales" in almost a different language completely (Middle English); practically unreadable without a modern day translation.
Is it therefore just the natural modernisation and evolution of our language that we have arrived at today?
The naming of a girl band a few years ago called “Girls Aloud” – clever word play – has resulted in many thousands of teenagers who now believe that they are not “aloud” to do something. Street speak has introduced many new words and rarely a meal goes by in my house without the kids declaring that their food is “Peng” (it’s a compliment – I think). The letter “z” has in many places replaced the letter “s” and generally things keep changing which, as you get older, becomes the hardest thing to accept.
There is comfort in familiarity and any deviation from this represents another power shift to the young upstarts who, let’s face it, are going to be around in this world for longer than I've got left. I remember my old Nan moaning in 1971, when decimalisation was brought in and she couldn't understand it, that “They should have waited until all the old people had died first!"
Aside from the comedy of that statement, there is never a good time for change; we just have to embrace it and move on.
So is it in fact this loss of control that is the real bugbear here?
The naming of a girl band a few years ago called “Girls Aloud” – clever word play – has resulted in many thousands of teenagers who now believe that they are not “aloud” to do something. Street speak has introduced many new words and rarely a meal goes by in my house without the kids declaring that their food is “Peng” (it’s a compliment – I think). The letter “z” has in many places replaced the letter “s” and generally things keep changing which, as you get older, becomes the hardest thing to accept.
There is comfort in familiarity and any deviation from this represents another power shift to the young upstarts who, let’s face it, are going to be around in this world for longer than I've got left. I remember my old Nan moaning in 1971, when decimalisation was brought in and she couldn't understand it, that “They should have waited until all the old people had died first!"
Aside from the comedy of that statement, there is never a good time for change; we just have to embrace it and move on.
So is it in fact this loss of control that is the real bugbear here?
I have recently found a really good video article from Stephen Fry on
the modern use of language and it’s a great retort to the grammar police. The
link is here, I urge you to watch.
I must say that it has softened my stance and I am probably
now more in the camp that thinks “Oh well, never mind.”
Life’s too short, I know what is meant and that’s probably good enough.
Life’s too short, I know what is meant and that’s probably good enough.
Innit blud?
