Arranging a funeral is not a fun thing. Your life is on "hold" as this day looms ever nearer, clearly not a day that you would be looking forward to.
We had used Stibbards Funeral Directors, the last real family undertaker in the area and ones I was very familiar with through work. Their service was excellent and they look a lot of the weight off our shoulders as they arranged for everything from the Order of Service to the Obituary in the paper.
That whole period is bizarre; everyone who knows you and is aware of your loss offers condolences but many are almost too embarrassed to engage in conversation. Those who don't know and who enquire as to how things are are immediately overly apologetic that they didn't know and had raised the subject in the first place. My most oft used phrase was "Don't worry, it's fine, we knew it was inevitable and life goes on."
But there is a huge sense of loss that such a large piece of your life is no longer there and you have to get used to being without it and getting on with stuff.
To be honest the period in between Dad's passing and the funeral is a huge blur and I remember very little aside from going to see him one final time in the chapel of rest. I'm not sure I was ready for the fact that he would be so cold - obvious really but not something that actually crosses your mind - and it could just as easily have been a stone statue of him. A sad, sad day.
The funeral itself went very well, fabulously well attended at the chapel (standing room only) with estimates of around 200 people. There was a burial with family only at the graveside and afterwards a super Wake put on by Sandbank restaurant in Leigh, Mum and Dad's favourite restaurant.
I will share one true black comedy style moment from the graveside, When the coffin was being lowered into the ground (it was a double plot so probably 10 feet deep) the trestles supporting it were removed and placed on the floor. I had failed to notice one and as I stepped forwards with a handful of earth to throw onto the coffin I nearly tripped over it, stumbling head-first towards the grave! It does seem a bit disrespectful to laugh at a graveside but it was unavoidable and provided an unintentional moment of light relief amongst the sadness.
Many thanks to Matthew and Sam Locker for catering for us at the restaurant on their day off. We got through it well I think, Mum was amazing and I do feel that a Wake provides the balance; the funeral service is sad and the Wake is a celebration. That's how it felt and how it should be.
The funeral was on July 13th, exactly one week before my birthday which as you can imagine was somewhat subdued. Dawn and I decided to book a late holiday as a week's complete rest was required. Mum and Dad's favourite place was Tintagel in Cornwall and I offered to take her there, but it was too soon and she declined. As it was, we managed to get a late deal to Ibiza - really unusual in August - and had that to look forward to.
All we had to do now is adapt to life after Fred.
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