Lucky Escape, part 1

Leaving my marriage was the hardest decision of my life. Most blokes who leave their families usually do so for one of two reasons;

1)  They have a girlfriend to go to, or

2)  They have been kicked out.

Neither applied to me.  I left because I could see that, once the kids had left home, I would have probably been a candidate for category 2 as I would have outlived my purpose and then I would be in my mid 50's and faced with the prospect of starting again.  I grew up an only child and didn't want to spend my retirement alone, so, once it became clear that the relationship had ended, I set about finding a new partner.

The thing is, as a middle aged bloke, where do you go to meet someone?  Clubs were never my thing when I was younger and singles bars might work for some but the prospect of them made me absolutely cringe.

I therefore had no trouble at all in embracing the idea of online dating.  All forms of life are on there and some of the earlier blogposts have recounted some fun and interesting times on dates that I had.

But what about the people I didn't get to date?  The ones who showed early promise and then something happened that made one of us change our minds and just not go any further?

One such example was Wendy.  I've changed the name, obviously, but for all I know that may have been her real name as she had one on her email address and one on her dating profile, that I assumed was a pseudonym.  She was apparently from a rather desirable part of the county and apparently had two grown up kids in their 20's.  She also apparently had a large estate in the USA, her husband apparently having been killed whilst in military service and she had apparently received several million dollars in compensation from the US Govt.  I keep using apparently, because she was also apparently a barrister.

Having had several conversations with her on the phone, we hadn't met but I had already had an offer to go and move into her 8 bedroomed place if my finances got a bit tight.  She also stressed to me the importance of due diligence when on the websites, making sure I fully researched all potential suitors in order to minimise the chances of discovering any nasty surprises later on.

So, in her case, I did, only to discover that neither of her used names were on the list of barristers in the Barristers Directory.  As I work in the legal profession and know several barristers myself, I was keen to see if we had any common contacts.  For some reason, she was extremely reluctant to discuss any sort of work issue, such as what Chambers she was in, other barristers she knew... any attempt to discuss it was simply brushed aside.

This made me a little suspicious, so I checked with the Bar Council and every conceivable list of UK Barristers and neither of her used names appeared anywhere.  In fact, no female name was anything like either of the ones she had used.

During our next conversation, I again broached the subject and she again evaded the question so I just asked, "Why will you not tell me where you work?"

"Why do you want to know?" she replied.

"Because we both work in the same profession and apart from the fact that we may even know the same people, when getting to know someone isn't it usual to share this type of information? Plus, I've done what you suggested and you don't appear on the Bar Council register. Previous experience has made me cautious, as you know."

Well, that was that.  She absolutely hit the roof.  She was screaming at me down the phone, saying things like why on earth would I think that she would use her real name to someone like me, that she'd shown incredible kindness and compassion (irony alert) by offering lodgings and how dare I question her?  I then received a text message saying that she knew lots of different types of people, some of whom would be coming to see me to rearrange my features, including some graphic descriptions of what they would do with a table leg and what appendages would be sliced off and stuck in my mouth. How kind and compassionate that was.  She must had graduated with Honours from charm school.

The woman was almost certainly a fantasist, most definitely a psychopath and it just confirms that all life forms are out there with most of them appearing on dating websites. Therefore, in an effort to retain my (ahem) good looks and appendages, I decided to make no further contact with her to try and get her to change her mind.

Mission accomplished and I remained in one piece, ready for the next exciting adventure...