We English are rulers of the language world. How our little country managed to give the world its primary spoken language I don't know (well I do actually, thinking about it, it was called the British Empire!) but we managed it and as a result are linguistically lazy. Picture the scene; a remote part of Africa, where a plane has come down and news crews have converged to an area where they have barely had human contact in years. A Sky news reporter interviews a local tribesman who gives his eye witness report... in perfect English. Conversely, I once worked for an Englishman who claimed that he was fluent in most languages; all he had to do was speak slowly and shout.
Our language has evolved over centuries and there is a really interesting article by Stephen Fry on the importance of correct spelling and grammar... or not. Check it out here. Personally, I abhor incorrect use of grammar and spelling but do acknowledge that there is some creativity allowed and this is how new words evolve. Where space is limited (such as in text messages) then I also acknowledge that "C U ltr m8" is inevitable and quick. With the younger generations texting like there is no tomorrow, I therefore predict a raft of future news headlines reading something like "K8 and Wils get g/kids" as well as an overload in A&E departments for RSI injuries to thumbs.
Incidentally, have we all worked out the title of this blogpost? It's written phonetically, so say it out loud if you haven't.* And this leads me onto the main point of this scribe. In the 1960's there were some "wonderful and innovative" (ahem) new education techniques brought in. One of these was ITA (Initial Teaching Alphabet), a way to assist the whole reading experience by learning words phonetically. This involved young children learning ITA first and then, when sufficiently proficient in that, transferring to the usual English alphabet. ITA had over 40 symbols and many of them bore no resemblance to our letters (check it out for fun - here's the Wikipedia entry for ITA). Fortunately, it didn't catch on and died out pretty quickly, leaving our beautiful English language unharmed.
But, not content with that, we went on to create derivatives of other tongues like French and Spanish (which we refer to as Franglais and Spanglish) and have a whale of a time in particular with our Gallic neighbours. Our mickey taking is relentless as we produce comedy shows like "'Allo, 'Allo" and in "Only Fools and Horses", Del Boy never fails to amuse with his lack of understanding in how and when to use various French words and phrases. One of my personal favourites is in the 2002 episode, "Strangers on the Shore", when there is the following exchange between Del and Rodney -
Del One of my most favouritist meals is Duck à l'Orange, but I don't know how to say that in French.
Rodney It's canard.
Del You can say that again bruv!
Rodney No the French word for duck is canard.
Del Is it? I thought that was something to do with the QE2?
Rodney No that's Cunard. They're the ones with the boats and what have you. The French for duck is canard.
Del Right lovely jubbly. Right, so how do the French say à l'Orange then?
Rodney A l'Orange!
Del What, the same as we do?
Rodney Yes
Del Oh dear, it's a pity they don't use more of our words innit eh?
Anyway, I do believe the French are getting their own back.
The car I currently drive is a Peugeot 5008 and which came from our local automotive park. This is dominated by a company called Toomey who have main dealerships for not only Peugeot but Nissan, Vauxhall, Renault and Citroen too. When I collected it, I saw a sign on the wall saying "Toomay Pershow". I thought nothing of it really until I called up to check the car in for a routine check. "Hello, Toomey Peugeot, how can I help you?" was the phone greeting. Toomey Peugeot? Toomey Pershow? Surely not.
Again, I thought nothing of it apart from maybe assuming that someone had made a monumental spelling error on the sign which had gone up without anyone actually noticing.
However, just recently, a service reminder arrived in the post which was signed off by the Manager and it actually stated on the literature itself "Toomey Pershow".
When I booked the car in, I decided to check it out.
"Anything else I can help with?" said the helpful receptionist.
"Well yes, as it happens. Your literature is signed off as Toomey Pershow."
"Yes, that's right."
"But you are Toomey Peugeot."
"Yes."
"So what's that about then? Is there a Mr. Pershow somewhere behind the scenes?"
"No, it's what Peugeot have told us that we have to do."
"I'm sorry? Pardon?"
"Peugeot have told us we have to put Toomey Pershow on all the literature. Apparently it stops people pronouncing it Pew-got."
There was a few seconds of stunned silence before I could respond.
"Are you serious? Peugeot actively want their name to be spelt incorrectly? It's not actually even phonetically correct, is it? If they were going to do that, then it should be Per-jo. It's a bit rubbish, isn't it?"
Embarrassed silence, then...
"Well... err... I don't think many of us like it either, but it's what we've been told to do. I can't really say much more..."
So there you have it. The French have decided that we are too linguistically incompetent to pronounce their car manufacturers correctly so have equally incompetently tried to phonetically get it right whilst getting it slightly wrong. They even have their own Yell entry - click here - unbelievable! Maybe we'll see a surge of dealerships such as "Toomey Rennow" or "Toomey Sitrun", although if the French are true to form, it will probably be "Toomey Renall" or "Toomey Seetron". Thank goodness the Japanese haven't decided to follow suit as I'm still trying to get my head around the correct way to pronounce the Nissan Qashqai.
My car is up for renewal in February. I think I'll get a Ford.
*If you really still don't know what the title is, then you clearly either aren't saying "Correct Way to Speak Foreign.", or you are, in fact, foreign. Don't worry; just say it slowly and in a loud voice. It'll be fine.
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